stirring.

   A glimpse of vision, a passion, a stirring. I feel it. No. I feel Him. Spirit. Answered prayer.  

   He comes so mysteriously, coupled with excitement and hope. A calling?....maybe. A purpose?...most definitely! And, again, I am hopeful. My life is opening up. Opportunities are all around. This tunneled vision that I once had has been broadened to include things once forgotten. I am alive!

   Clarity?...coming. The clouds of confusion slowly disappearing to reveal a vibrant Light. 

   Clarity?...Where have you been?

   A sigh of relief…

   A distant voice slowly grows louder.

   A loosely painted picture gaining colorful detail.

“We turn, and give ourselves body, soul, and spirit back to God, asking him to cleanse our hearts and make them new. And He does. He gives us a new heart. And He comes to dwell there, in our hearts. If we believed that…we could do anything. We would follow Him anywhere!”                                                           -John Eldredge, Waking the Dead

   Full belief?...not yet. I still have my doubts and fleshly limitations.

   Joyful and hopeful?...yes!

   God is stirring my heart!

   For a week now I have been purposefully asking God to awaken the Spirit within me. My request has been for a thirst for the Word, a purpose to cling to, for my eyes to be opened, and for my ears to hear His direct call. And, I can say that my prayers, the Spirit’s cries, have not gone unanswered. My heart is starting to believe. Freedom is out there. 

   Where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is freedom.

   Currently, I have a lot on my mind. Good things, nonetheless! But, I struggle to bring words to the surface. I don’t know what to say about the change in my heart. The enlightenment?...Its not drastic, but like a boulder being pushed over a hill, things are slowly, or rather quickly, gaining momentum. I am certain that time will bring a clearer picture.

   Basically, I have been asking God to point me in a direction…a direction specific to me. I have asked for instances to stir my passions and for my heart to be keenly aware. And though I don’t know the picture God is painting, I DO know that they will be in line with His Heart. Please continue to pray with me that I would listen and obey!

   Part of the change I can attribute to God using a story of someone else. It was strongly suggested to me as well as others that I follow a blog about a young, Christ follower living in Africa. I mindlessly printed off her writings on her blog which dated back to the two previous years. A little pre bed reading material?...You bet! The first night I started reading and quickly became encouraged, awakened, and enthralled as I journeyed into Uganda, Africa myself. Three nights later, one hundred and fifty pages later, and still only half of her time in Africa covered. Yet she writes so simply, exquisitely illustrating with words a culture, an experience, and a god in Africa. I cant capture with my words what she does with hers. So I will add my personal recommendation to the list. If you want to see one example of an individual completely dependent and sold out for Christ and the work that requires, then you really should journey to her page and see firsthand what God is doing through her willing life. You will be moved! You will be humbled!

   If you do decide to read her story, I have found it best to start with 2007 and work your way to the present. Just click on the year of postings that you want to read on the right hand side of her page and you can read in order

 http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

thanks. and goodnight.


jmh

"Behold, I make all things new..."

January 1, 2009

“Behold, I make all things new…”

   A Feel Good Story…with the opportunity to infect millions of people within an ear shot of a television. It seems today’s “reality television” is overwhelmed with old and new shows alike, priding themselves on life change. Be it home makeovers, weight loss, or even pimpin cars, the message you see nowadays is written across many tv screens and infiltrates our minds and hearts. Its message is contagious, multiplying exponentially. And although results vary from newly remodeled homes, custom cars, and redefined bodies, people everywhere are catching on to the idea that dreams do, in fact, come true.

   The Biggest Loser…maybe one of the more successful shows on the air, pits several overly obese citizens against each other to see who can ultimately shed the most pounds. The idea is borrowed of course, but its message couldn’t land in a timelier manner. The message is loud and clear, “Change really does happen.”

   As people, not just Americans, we love feel good stories. As of lately, my entertainment tube plays episodes of Intervention, a showcase of people entrapped in addictions and the necessary means that are taken by loving family members to end a lifestyle of mainly drug and alcohol related obsessions. It doesn’t take long to connect with the characters; real life people struggling with real life problems. Without failure, I always root for the “happy ending.” Occasionally, I am disappointed. But, for the most part, lives are impacted; not just the person involved with the addiction, but the whole network of support, for example, family members and friends. I can rest peacefully with favorable outcomes in which clearly a change has taken place and you see a newly revealed glimpse of that person. The not-so-favorable outcomes, in which addicts stubbornly return to their drug of choice, and merely with the end in sight, cause me to feel as if an hour of my time has been wasted, and the hope I have for that individual is lost.

   We have reason to celebrate. “Death has no victory. Where, O Death, is your sting?” Jesus, Messiah, intervened in our lives. If an episode were written and produced today, it might possibly be the most watched Intervention ever. And yet, the story, as we know it, has already happened.

“Behold, I make all things new…”

   Hi. My name is Jason Hayes and I am an addict (Hi Jason). I love myself entirely too much. I would rather promote myself than boost another. I struggle with guilt that I will not be able to make anything good of myself. And guilt rears its face when I fall. I also care too much about what others think of me. I rely heavily on the misconception that with effort I can attain perfection, or close there to it. I live for the moment, and not for the eternal. I quit when things get difficult. I am lazy. I am passive. And, the plank in my eye does not exist. I have a problem.

“Behold, I make all things new…”

   Transformation.

Enter Jesus.

   I am blown back at how He has started a new work in me. He is faithful to complete it. My eyes have been opened wider than ever before. And now I see more clearly. Our lives are the ultimate feel good story for which God receives all the glory. I am being molded more and more to His image. As the new has come, the old has gone. When I reflect on my identity in Christ and my life here on earth, I am filled with gratitude and humility. I know that I still have my downfalls, as big as they seem. But, I also recognize that in the door of my heart stands Someone with the ability and desire to change me; to progressively eradicate every wrong habit or nature within me that has no place in the presence of Him and fill me with fruits of the Spirit. His work began on day one.

   Transformation. I become more like Him.

   This same message, disguised slightly to fit a secular audience, plays in homes everywhere on various television sets to the tune of, “change really does happen.” Although most fail to acknowledge the Creator by which this message is made possible, the theme is inspiring.

   God has opened my eyes to see that I cannot change who I am. Nothing I can do, physically, is going to make me more like Him. I trust Him, only Jesus, author of my Faith, that He has that ability. But He has already proven that He is willing to do whatever it takes to give us true Life. He lives in me daily and is crafting me to reflect His Glory. That’s a Transformation that I hope and believe in, and hopefully the rest of the world will come to see.


jmh

self titled--anywhere. anything.

   Recently, I came to the conclusion that Joy of Epiphany was not a title that I really wanted to double as my mission and vision statement for my life.  Yeah, it’s neat to learn new things, but that aspect is missing a few key elements that are found in Matthew 28:  go, make disciples, baptize in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  My blog needed a new identity.  And, now it has one—“anywhere.  anything.” 

   The concept really sums up where my heart is.  I am at a point in my life, and I pray that remains true until my dying day, that I will go anywhere Christ needs me and do anything that He asks.  It’s a simple concept that my mind can fathom, for right now at least.  If you cut out all the details, because God knows the details, I don’t, and He will reveal them to me at the appropriate time—regardless of my desire to know His plan for me—it makes following him simpler to grasp.  I simply listen to Him, remain open and flexible, and obey when He calls me somewhere for something.  It’s when I try to make my own arrangements to fall in line with what I want God to want me to do that things get messy and tangled. 

   As a son, a brother, a grandson, a nephew, a friend, a coworker, a cousin, and whatever else I could possibly be, I want to make one thing clear, if I have not already:  I will go wherever Christ calls me and do whatever He wants me to do.  I want everyone to know that one simple fact.  That IS my heart’s desire.  When people think of me, I want to be known for that, that I live for Christ, that I seek to bring Him glory with my life and, even death. 

    I recently heard a very empowering testimony from a missionary.  My heart was stirred, my passions were revisited, and I left incredibly moved.  In sharing, he said one of many things that has stuck with me and continues to resonate with my soul.  He said, “God is not boring, we are boring.”  And he continued, “I had made God small all of my life, and I had decided that I was not going to make Him small anymore.  My life had been changed and would be changed forevermore.  There was no way that I could go back to living the way that I had when I had recently seen God do impossible things.”

    Right now, for however long, God has me in Northwest Arkansas.  I am seeking a teaching position, ministering to kids at church and Potter’s House, and working and ministering to friends at the Marketplace Grill.  I am seeing God move all around me and I am content. However, if God calls me to pick up my stuff and move to another location in the US, or even…ahem…the world, I will do it without hesitation.  That's where I stand.  

        

        I do not follow money. 

 

Not a job. 

          

  Not anyone. 

                  

        Not anything. 

                       

        I follow Christ alone! 

“The chief end of man is to glorify God”

jmh 

"Should I Stumble Again, Still I'm Caught in Your Grace"

   Its amazing how one line from a song can change your thinking about a certain thing or about a particular person. The above line, taken from a popular worship song today, has been wedged in the corner of my mind, only to be recalled when the same song is sung again. Its the part of the whole song that I look forward to, the part that reveals a new thought for me.

   Working my way backwards, I have always known about grace, mentally, but I have lacked in fully experiencing the word spiritually, in a heartfelt way. Intellectually, I could tell you what grace really was. But, if you looked into my life it would hardly be found. Grace was a one-time transaction that took place on the day of my Salvation. Of recently, grace is being shown to me in a new way, in a new light.

   For the better part of my life I have lived with what I will call a perfectionistic, legalist mentality. My goal in life was to be as good as possible, managing a few "minor sins" along the way, and confessing anything major that occurred. The problem came with "major sins"--the label that my mind made up to distinguish tolerable sins and intolerable, and thus proving to you how messed up my thinking really was, and partly, still is. Shortly after a "major sin" occurrence, I would carry the burden of guilt and enter into a motionless period, in which I neither continued in sin, nor pursued anything holy. In logic, I believed that I had to "serve my time" for the sin that I had committed by remaining trapped in guilt and tormented by the lies of the lingering Enemy, usually lasting anywhere from one to two weeks. On earth, it makes sense. In the heavenly realm, another truth rings louder and clearer. Jesus Christ died several years ago so that I would not have to live with guilt. And again, there it is...

"I am caught in Your grace"

   I love the sound those words produce. I am caught...stuck, hooked, trapped...I cannot find myself on the outside of grace. What a glorious thing! My thoughts have been transformed. My life, from the inside out, is being transformed.

   
   I have begun to question why all these years I have struggled with guilt when God has offered something so sweet--grace. Hear me, I do not lighten the weight of sin, but I only recognize the power, love, and sovereignty of our mighty Savior. It is now that I desire to continue in grace, striving towards perfection (Phil. 3), confessing my sin quickly (1 John 1:9), and time and time again finding myself woven into the threads of grace. I rebuke the legalistic enemy, and I cling to the promise of my Father. ..

"Should I stumble again, still I'm caught in Your grace"

jmh 

"Into The Wild"

…Life is an adventure…

   For some time now, a bizarre hunger has lingered in the corners of my mind. I cannot lay a finger on the origin of this longing or even when it began, but I do know with certainty that from time to time I feel this particular desire calling me. I cannot tell you why, but since my college years I have wanted to live with everything I own on my back. I want to travel the world and see new places from a different perspective; to depend on God for even the smallest essentials of life.

   Since my junior year of high school I have taken numerous backpacking trips into the wild. In these times I have felt at home in the outdoors. Everyday was a new place to be with a new landscape—sunrises in the morning, sunsets at night, streams flowing gently by, the smell of fresh pine, wildlife in its natural habitat—and I was there to soak it all in. It left me wanting more!

   I used to wonder, and still do, why life cannot be more like this. Why does life have a pattern: go to school, get a job, get married?Sometimes I wonder why one must be questioned, prodded, and even convinced when they fall out of line, when they take the “road less traveled,” and choose to go against the culture. Now, I know times change and even now it is not uncommon to see people waiting longer to get married, but being twenty-six and without a “full time career” starts to cause friction with others. The commonly heard question, “don’t you think its time to get a job,” starts to ring louder than ever before and pressure builds up. Should one settle into a career just out of college because it’s the thing to do and everyone else has done it?Is there any room to veer off the road and make a new path?

   I would not consider myself ready to settle into a career yet, though it seems to be the next obvious step. Not to say that choosing a career and taking a job sucks the adventure out of life, but I still think there is more exploring to do. The world is so beautiful, and to me, unseen. I want to see it! I have been blessed to have gone to many of the places that I have been. My travels extend from across the United States to Nepal, Russia and Germany. I am privileged to experience what I have. Yet, I want more! Is that so immature and naïve?

   Tonight, my eyes have been opened wider than ever before. I have a renewed passion! This passion has put my life into focus and given me a perspective that I have rarely seen before. And, I am left wondering where to go from here…

   In 1990, Chris McCandless left a diploma from Emery High School inAtlanta, aspirations of becoming a lawyer, his family, and $24,000 in savings to venture out into the wild. For two years Chris, self-titled Alex Supertramp, roamed the great American country as a hitchhiker, taking odd jobs along the way from people he met and grew closer to, all while in pursuit of truth and authenticity from life. His final destination took him to the Alaskan wilderness, where he would eventually lose his life to starvation when he made a mistake in choosing berries to eat. Though he went across the grain, Alexander Supertramp, as he would want to be known, experienced God’s creation in a magnificent way. His journey was well recorded. He left a journal among other things that marked his profound thoughts on a timely basis. I find a little bit of Chris McCandless in me, and, his life has left a lasting impression on me.


jmh