"Should I Stumble Again, Still I'm Caught in Your Grace"

   Its amazing how one line from a song can change your thinking about a certain thing or about a particular person. The above line, taken from a popular worship song today, has been wedged in the corner of my mind, only to be recalled when the same song is sung again. Its the part of the whole song that I look forward to, the part that reveals a new thought for me.

   Working my way backwards, I have always known about grace, mentally, but I have lacked in fully experiencing the word spiritually, in a heartfelt way. Intellectually, I could tell you what grace really was. But, if you looked into my life it would hardly be found. Grace was a one-time transaction that took place on the day of my Salvation. Of recently, grace is being shown to me in a new way, in a new light.

   For the better part of my life I have lived with what I will call a perfectionistic, legalist mentality. My goal in life was to be as good as possible, managing a few "minor sins" along the way, and confessing anything major that occurred. The problem came with "major sins"--the label that my mind made up to distinguish tolerable sins and intolerable, and thus proving to you how messed up my thinking really was, and partly, still is. Shortly after a "major sin" occurrence, I would carry the burden of guilt and enter into a motionless period, in which I neither continued in sin, nor pursued anything holy. In logic, I believed that I had to "serve my time" for the sin that I had committed by remaining trapped in guilt and tormented by the lies of the lingering Enemy, usually lasting anywhere from one to two weeks. On earth, it makes sense. In the heavenly realm, another truth rings louder and clearer. Jesus Christ died several years ago so that I would not have to live with guilt. And again, there it is...

"I am caught in Your grace"

   I love the sound those words produce. I am caught...stuck, hooked, trapped...I cannot find myself on the outside of grace. What a glorious thing! My thoughts have been transformed. My life, from the inside out, is being transformed.

   
   I have begun to question why all these years I have struggled with guilt when God has offered something so sweet--grace. Hear me, I do not lighten the weight of sin, but I only recognize the power, love, and sovereignty of our mighty Savior. It is now that I desire to continue in grace, striving towards perfection (Phil. 3), confessing my sin quickly (1 John 1:9), and time and time again finding myself woven into the threads of grace. I rebuke the legalistic enemy, and I cling to the promise of my Father. ..

"Should I stumble again, still I'm caught in Your grace"

jmh 

"Into The Wild"

…Life is an adventure…

   For some time now, a bizarre hunger has lingered in the corners of my mind. I cannot lay a finger on the origin of this longing or even when it began, but I do know with certainty that from time to time I feel this particular desire calling me. I cannot tell you why, but since my college years I have wanted to live with everything I own on my back. I want to travel the world and see new places from a different perspective; to depend on God for even the smallest essentials of life.

   Since my junior year of high school I have taken numerous backpacking trips into the wild. In these times I have felt at home in the outdoors. Everyday was a new place to be with a new landscape—sunrises in the morning, sunsets at night, streams flowing gently by, the smell of fresh pine, wildlife in its natural habitat—and I was there to soak it all in. It left me wanting more!

   I used to wonder, and still do, why life cannot be more like this. Why does life have a pattern: go to school, get a job, get married?Sometimes I wonder why one must be questioned, prodded, and even convinced when they fall out of line, when they take the “road less traveled,” and choose to go against the culture. Now, I know times change and even now it is not uncommon to see people waiting longer to get married, but being twenty-six and without a “full time career” starts to cause friction with others. The commonly heard question, “don’t you think its time to get a job,” starts to ring louder than ever before and pressure builds up. Should one settle into a career just out of college because it’s the thing to do and everyone else has done it?Is there any room to veer off the road and make a new path?

   I would not consider myself ready to settle into a career yet, though it seems to be the next obvious step. Not to say that choosing a career and taking a job sucks the adventure out of life, but I still think there is more exploring to do. The world is so beautiful, and to me, unseen. I want to see it! I have been blessed to have gone to many of the places that I have been. My travels extend from across the United States to Nepal, Russia and Germany. I am privileged to experience what I have. Yet, I want more! Is that so immature and naïve?

   Tonight, my eyes have been opened wider than ever before. I have a renewed passion! This passion has put my life into focus and given me a perspective that I have rarely seen before. And, I am left wondering where to go from here…

   In 1990, Chris McCandless left a diploma from Emery High School inAtlanta, aspirations of becoming a lawyer, his family, and $24,000 in savings to venture out into the wild. For two years Chris, self-titled Alex Supertramp, roamed the great American country as a hitchhiker, taking odd jobs along the way from people he met and grew closer to, all while in pursuit of truth and authenticity from life. His final destination took him to the Alaskan wilderness, where he would eventually lose his life to starvation when he made a mistake in choosing berries to eat. Though he went across the grain, Alexander Supertramp, as he would want to be known, experienced God’s creation in a magnificent way. His journey was well recorded. He left a journal among other things that marked his profound thoughts on a timely basis. I find a little bit of Chris McCandless in me, and, his life has left a lasting impression on me.


jmh