October 26th, 2010

CONTROL-something I want to have; not something I actually have.

   Steering a car. What I wear today. Where I will eat lunch. Which movie I will select at Red Box. What I will do on the weekend. These are all things that I choose to do, things that I have most control over. I make these decisions, usually effortlessly, on a daily basis. I have control in these areas.

   Choosing for someone to follow commands? Choosing for a friend to be respectful? Yet most importantly, choosing for someone to follow and obey Christ…to love and honor God…and to surrender their life to the calling and duty of Christ? I have NO CONTROL over these things. Sometimes, I like to believe that the things that I do or say will force someone to make the decision that I deem favorable and that Scripture seems to make clear. Yet, things hardly turn out the way I suspect. I am learning through much trial and yet far more error that it doesn’t come down to me. That is frustrating and liberating simultaneously.

   Campus Crusade used a motto that was taught to me when learning how to share my faith with random people on campus as a freshman in college. My mentor shared that successful evangelism is, “stepping out in faith and in the Spirit to share Christ with others and leaving the results up to God.” The last part of the phrase was very freeing for me.

   “Okay God, I will share my faith with these people (total strangers) and its up to you to stir in their hearts. If I present myself available to You and still I don’t see any results, I trust that you are all powerful, sovereign, and you love them.”

   Its when you are dealing with people that you love and care about that this motto gets thrown out the window, people you are close to. For me, that’s where control becomes an issue. If I am available, walking in the Spirit, speaking Truth, and yet I see no tangible results, then I become frustrated and discouraged. Somehow I still believe that their choosing to be obedient to Christ is up to me: my words, my illustrations, and maybe even my example???

   “God, I return to You. I rely on you. Use this to teach me how to relinquish control and let you work in whatever ways you choose. Your ways are greater than mine. Your strength is greater than mine. Your purpose is greater than mine. Teach me how to be available and willing and even more prayerful, but not an extinguisher of the Spirits work…”


  Philippians 4:6-7      Proverbs 3:5-6     Romans 12:10      Psalms 16:2


jmh

music.

   This last weekend I was in wedding as a groomsman. You know the drill. As a member of the wedding party I had to get there 4 hours early. I started to think of what I could do to pass the time. We relaxed in the parlor to kill a few hours after pictures were taken and a friend started playing a familiar song on the piano. "Colorblind" by the County Crows started to fill the room.

   I went over to watch, wishing that I too was talented enough to leisurely play a few tunes from a piano when the time called. Justin, a fellow groomsman and friend, began to show me how to play the song. It wasn't very hard to learn and it left a craving to continue to learn how to play the piano; a skill I wished I had possessed for many years now.

   After the wedding was over, I could not stop thinking about getting to a piano so I could continue to polish my newly acquired song. The next day I found myself in a Best Buy staring at the keyboards. I ended up buying a cheaper Yamaha keyboard. I took it home, unwrapped the box, and plugged in the keyboard. I began playing, and I couldn't stop.

   Today, it is tuesday. I have played everyday since for several hours at a time. If you added my total hours, I would be in the double digits. And still it is something that the time passes quickly with. Its such a cool thing to have something that I enjoy and look forward to, and to see drastic improvement in something that I just started to pick up.

   I remember when I first learned a song on my guitar in college. A buddy had showed me how to play a popular song of the day and I couldn't stop playing in my room. Everyday. Playing. Hours gone. I could never get enough guitar. And I would continue to play until I developed that skill to something that now, years later, I realize I have a talent/ gifting in, even though I still have A LOT more to learn than I already know.

   It is exciting to see the same forward progression/ desire with piano. Who knows what will happen?


jmh

Ozark Highlands Trail

   The Ozark Highlands Trail is a unique Arkansas adventure.

   This last weekend Kirby(my brother), Malik, and I made our debut trip to Cherry Bend Entrance (section 2, Ozark Highlands Trail) near Cass, AR for an 8 mile backpacking hike. This section of the trail is supposed to be the most scenic, peaking at Hare Mountain, which overlooks the valley.

   I have always been in love with the outdoors and in October I started working at J.B. Hunt, which freed up my weekends. It was something I had not had in several years: a friday night, saturday, AND sunday free of work. Recently, with the addition of warmer weather, I started to plan a few weekends that I could spend in the beautiful Arkansas wilderness. We had perfect weather (high in the 60s and lows in the 40s). I could not have asked for a better window of time to go.

   On Friday night after work, the three of us jumped in the car with bags packed and headed to the trailhead. We arrived pretty late and hiked about 1.5 miles in the complete dark, reminding me of a time in college a few friends gathered at the Buffalo National Park for a late night backpacking excursion. By the time Kirby, Malik, and I had found a place to camp and got our tent set up it was 10:00 pm. We bypassed the opportunity for a late dinner in order to get a head start on sleep.

   The next morning came late with a headache in a cold sleeping bag. But, that is the extent of my complaints. The day was sunny and warming up fast. We stumbled out of our tent (some faster than others) and I started making banana pancakes for the fellas. Before you give me raving credit, let me first tell you that I had no skillet and no butter to keep the pancakes from sticking. I only had a pot, and by the time bananas and pancakes were added, cooked, and flipped (or tried to at least) what was left was banana pancake crumbles. However, as I stated to the guys, "its not how it looks but how it tastes that matters." They would later agree with the taste on their tongues.

   We quickly launched from breakfast to clean up camp mode...said a prayer and then away we went. I knew early on that completing the 12 mile journey, which was supposed to be a 6 mile one way trip up to Hare Mountain and back, was not going to happen. Hare Mountain is one of the highest points of the Ozarks. It has a scenic lookout with a ideal place to camp. I wanted to make it up on Saturday, stay the night, and then have a long, but downhill, trek back on Sunday. Enter Option B...

   Malik had never been backpacking before. He didn't understand the concept after repeated attempts to prepare him for what to expect. He couldn't seem to breakaway from the good ole American camping ideology; you know, stuff everything in your car, sleep by hundreds others, no hiking required, hotdogs over the fire type "adventure." So, I just accepted the fact that he would have to learn "backpacking" by trial and error. He did, in fact. I knew on saturday that we would not make the top. I sensed God saying, "you are not going to make the top. I know you want to, but just enjoy where you are right now and lets make this a win, win situation for everyone, especially Malik." So, I just accepted tilling around on the trail for part of the day. It turned out to be great!

   
   We found another great spot, set up camp, refilled our water suppy, and then took naps. We awoke for an early dinner around a freshly created fire. "Life doesn't get any better than this." Dinner was instant meals of Chicken and Rice, Lasagna, and Beef Stroganoff for the three of us followed by cheesecake for dessert.

   I had asked God what He wanted me to share at night around the fire. It immediately came to me...God spoke quickly. The whole day we had been talking about the importance of water; drinking it to keep hydrated, planning on where to find it, and refilling it with iodine tablets. So, when I asked God what He wanted them to hear (and myself as well), John 4 was where I turned to. We had a great discussion about Jesus and the woman at the well, as well as Jesus being the Living Water. It was neat to parallel how important water was to us all weekend and yet Jesus as the living water is even more crucial in our lives. Shortly thereafter we went to bed, but not without a random deer walking around our campfire in the distance that scared the crap me, allowing my mind to entertain the notion a bear was out to get us.

   Morning came with the sun and we were on the trail early headed back to the car.

   This weekend, the guys learned how to drink water from a stream (iodine, for sure), be responsible for their gear, prepare dinner, identify the right trails, set up/take down camp, and read a trail map. Terms they are now freshly introduced to: No Trace backpacking and B.I.F.F. (Bathroom In Forest Floor),

   We had a great time!

jmh

stirring.

   A glimpse of vision, a passion, a stirring. I feel it. No. I feel Him. Spirit. Answered prayer.  

   He comes so mysteriously, coupled with excitement and hope. A calling?....maybe. A purpose?...most definitely! And, again, I am hopeful. My life is opening up. Opportunities are all around. This tunneled vision that I once had has been broadened to include things once forgotten. I am alive!

   Clarity?...coming. The clouds of confusion slowly disappearing to reveal a vibrant Light. 

   Clarity?...Where have you been?

   A sigh of relief…

   A distant voice slowly grows louder.

   A loosely painted picture gaining colorful detail.

“We turn, and give ourselves body, soul, and spirit back to God, asking him to cleanse our hearts and make them new. And He does. He gives us a new heart. And He comes to dwell there, in our hearts. If we believed that…we could do anything. We would follow Him anywhere!”                                                           -John Eldredge, Waking the Dead

   Full belief?...not yet. I still have my doubts and fleshly limitations.

   Joyful and hopeful?...yes!

   God is stirring my heart!

   For a week now I have been purposefully asking God to awaken the Spirit within me. My request has been for a thirst for the Word, a purpose to cling to, for my eyes to be opened, and for my ears to hear His direct call. And, I can say that my prayers, the Spirit’s cries, have not gone unanswered. My heart is starting to believe. Freedom is out there. 

   Where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is freedom.

   Currently, I have a lot on my mind. Good things, nonetheless! But, I struggle to bring words to the surface. I don’t know what to say about the change in my heart. The enlightenment?...Its not drastic, but like a boulder being pushed over a hill, things are slowly, or rather quickly, gaining momentum. I am certain that time will bring a clearer picture.

   Basically, I have been asking God to point me in a direction…a direction specific to me. I have asked for instances to stir my passions and for my heart to be keenly aware. And though I don’t know the picture God is painting, I DO know that they will be in line with His Heart. Please continue to pray with me that I would listen and obey!

   Part of the change I can attribute to God using a story of someone else. It was strongly suggested to me as well as others that I follow a blog about a young, Christ follower living in Africa. I mindlessly printed off her writings on her blog which dated back to the two previous years. A little pre bed reading material?...You bet! The first night I started reading and quickly became encouraged, awakened, and enthralled as I journeyed into Uganda, Africa myself. Three nights later, one hundred and fifty pages later, and still only half of her time in Africa covered. Yet she writes so simply, exquisitely illustrating with words a culture, an experience, and a god in Africa. I cant capture with my words what she does with hers. So I will add my personal recommendation to the list. If you want to see one example of an individual completely dependent and sold out for Christ and the work that requires, then you really should journey to her page and see firsthand what God is doing through her willing life. You will be moved! You will be humbled!

   If you do decide to read her story, I have found it best to start with 2007 and work your way to the present. Just click on the year of postings that you want to read on the right hand side of her page and you can read in order

 http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

thanks. and goodnight.


jmh